Uh,Dear Utol (2025): Itch Follows Episode 23 Portsmouth, Virginia? Please pick up your phone. An urgent request needs your attention.

As of Monday morning, close to 23,000 people have petitioned the Portsmouth, Virginia, government to take down a Confederate monument and erect a Missy Elliott one in its place. The artist was born in the city in 1971, and, petitioners contend, would probably be better for the country's psyche some dude who wanted to burn it all down.

Just a thought.

"Hailing from humble beginnings as the only child of a power company dispatcher and a welder at Portsmouth's lauded naval shipyard, she rose to become a platinum recording artist with over 30-million albums sold," the petition reads. "All this without even once owning a slave."

Petitioners need 25,000 signatures in order to submit their petition to the mayor and city council, and are expected to reach that goal.

The push to remove Confederate monuments intensified after the Charlottesville tragedy last weekend. While some cities have taken down these monuments without erecting anything in their place, petitioners hope that Elliott can provide the kind of unifying, hoverboard hopping energy the city needs to heal.

As Elliott herself contends, her style "can’t be duplicated or recycled" because "this chick is a sick individual." 

Let's go.